Promises

I’ve never known a promise that wasn’t broken

so don’t promise me this isn’t the end when all that’ll do is carve this day as our expiration.

You see, I’ve learned enough about promises to know they almost function as a curse.

I promised to always treat myself with the kindness I’d treat my own daughter

but I broke that the day I looked at myself and decided I deserved less than those who almost destroyed me

and I’ve broken that promise a million times in countless ways since.

I promised my mother I would change the world for her,

that I’d remain kind in cruel situations

but there have been too many times I have found myself combusting and aflame when I should have remained poised.

I promised my sisters I’d watch out and care for them no matter the circumstance

and I have let them down,

over and over again,

more than I care to admit.

You promised my stepmother you wouldn’t break my heart

and whether intended or not,

you broke that promise too.

And while breaking that promise,

you broke the pieces of me I gave you,

the pieces you held far too loosely.

I trusted your grip and fell to the ground as you let go.

I now lay here shattered and paralyzed,

connecting the constellations on my ceiling until they spell out

“To make a promise is a fool’s game.”