Scintilla

And the worst part is, it was never even fully real to begin with.

Was it?

It was a rendezvous between a rantipole and a flight risk

and regardless of how careful you are,

combinations of that sort never end well.

Do they?

Destined to collapse into oceans you once flew over together or burn each other on the candle you’d set in the other’s eyes.

I can’t call this a breakup because we were never together,

Not really.

But I can’t bring myself to say it’s nothing because we were something.

Whether it be an accident or some serendipitous happenstance,

we were something.

Weren’t we?

I’d like to think so.

The way my heart flew when your hand grazed mine and

the harmonies that filled the room every time our eyes met…

I’d like to think those feelings were something,

something real and more than just a passing fling

or a distraction.

I think that is what it began as, though.

A new pair of eyes to help you forget those that belonged to the girl who left you behind

and I think it worked.

So much so that you eventually got lost in the forests my eyes hold and I found myself drowning in the oceans in yours.

We both forgot time was watching us closely and holding us tightly,

waiting to pull us apart at the moment we were closest.

We’ve found ourselves in that moment now and to be candidly honest,

I am not sure how to grieve over something like this.

We were something

but we weren’t.

So do I delete the playlists lined with your name or create new ones to help me heal?

We had echoes of sunrises reflected in our eyes

but now we have found the sun setting on us.

So do I lay my head to rest or stay awake in hopes it’ll rise again?

There were choirs in our laughter, filling every room with symphonies

but the days spent in aching silence far outnumbered those few we had together.

So do I hold onto the memories of infinite harmonies or remind myself of the pain from never getting to hold you closer?

We were a beautiful paradox

and any form of healing I try simultaneously undoes all progress I have had made

so what the hell am I supposed to do now?