I miss you so much, Mama. Things have changed so much ever since you left. I wish we could curl up into the warm, satin edged blankets on your bed, and talk about it all together, while probably watching some HGTV. But of course, we can’t. I wish we could talk about how magical Christmas dinner was, how exciting and refreshening it felt to enter 2014, how much fun we had on spring break, how amazing and supportive my friends are, how amazingly magical formal was, how emotional graduation was for us, how empowering the race felt again this year, and how much fun we’ve had this summer. I wish I knew who to talk to now about the things I would talk about with you. There are some things that only a mother and daughter can have a true connection over. For example, how much would Dad enjoy hearing about my first date? Probably not very much. He’d be plotting the boy’s murder while listening. And would I really want to stress E out while fretting about high school? Of course not, that would just upset her terribly. How would anyone else possibly put up with my extreme fangirling? Nobody. I miss you so, so much. I feel an emptiness in the top left corner of my heart, right where you used to lay. But now at the same time, I feel a certain warmth in the top right part, previously cold. You moved from my love for you living to my love for your soul. You are sitting in the top right corner of my heart, all nestled up in blankets and “Pot Kitty”, drinking lemon water and munching on caramels. Although I love having you in my heart and a part of my soul, it will never be the same as having you right beside me, head held high and helping throughout my life, even when I felt things were doomed. If I had three wishes, of course the first would be for cancer to seize existing. The second, I would use to have it so you never passed in the first place. The third I would use to give people common grammatical sense, otherwise the human species is doomed to extinction.
I love you more than imaginable,